Friday, 27 March 2015

Expectations

I have a best friend. 

She lives across the pond. We have late night conversations via Facebook Private Messenger, which is probably the least private messenging service on the interwebs. Just saying.

The other night she messaged me this: *The most difficult lesson for me is "expect nothing"....does this sound familiar to you???*

Expectations. They'll get you every time.

It reminded me of something my friend Sorsh said: "Let me say this. And it's something I'm working on too. We often have ideas about how things should look and how things should go. And then if it doesn't look that way we feel like its wrong or off. However, when we do that we are getting in the way of the gifts the universe is giving us, as they are given to us."

Expectations. Missed opportunities because we think we know...

The thing is sometimes we just don't know, can't know and probably it's not in our best interest to know.

But still...

When I was a little girl we used to play this game at birthday parties. Probably people still do but I've lived in England for a long time. It was called *Pin the Tail On The Donkey."

You get blindfolded. Fuck. Maybe that's where I discovered my love of being blindfolded.

Anyway.... You're blindfolded, handed a paper *tail* with a pin attached. Someone takes you by the shoulders and spins you 'round and round and gives you a mostly gentle shove.

My last six months has been a consistent metaphorical action of sightless girl being spun round and round and given a shove, followed by more spinning and more shoving.

Maybe just once I would like to see where I'm going and get what I expect...

But that's not what I meant to say at all.

I wanted to say, I'm a Gypsy Girl. I love the sound of my bangles as they jangle while I sway to the sounds of your guitar.

You feed me with your crazy juju magic. My soul lights up and my breath is made of stardust.

But tonight could I just crawl into your lap and let you soothe the hurt away with your hands?

I didn't mean to say that either.

I was going to say something profound about stars and dance and courage and spirit.

But, actually...

Just for tonight could I not be brave and strong and fierce and crawl into your lap instead?



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